2017, thanks (even though you sucked)

“Even if you fall on your face, you’re still moving forward” – Victor Kiam

2017. ah. What a freaking year.

If you were to tell me at the beginning of the year, that I’d be at the place I am right now I would have believed you.

Okay, I know you’re probably like, “huh? did she write that right?” Doesn’t she mean that she’s wouldn’t have believed you? & the answer to that is no. If you were to tell me that I’d be in the place I am right now, I would have believed you, 100%. See one of the things that I learned about life this year it’s that, life tends to give you the things that you need, not necessarily the things that you want. I think that often times in our lives, the line between what we want and need gets blurred. That’s exactly what happened to me.

This year started off on a high. I was finishing up my final project in my final year at university, I was surrounded by the absolute best group of people that anyone could ask for, I was finally letting myself fall for someone, completely an unapologetically, and I was about to begin an internship of a lifetime. I was happy. Until suddenly everything that was so familiar to me was gone. Way too soon.

This year was easily one of the hardest years of my life; it was (what I like to refer to it as) the year of loss. I lost one of the most important relationships in my life, I lost familiarity and friendships, I lost a huge part of who I was the day I graduated university. I didn’t know what my dreams were anymore, I had no clue if I even wanted to pursue a career in the entertainment industry. I didn’t know what to do with my spare time, I had no idea who I could turn to when I needed someone. I didn’t know how to find a “big kid job”, I didn’t even know what made me happy anymore. I was lost, completely clueless of who I was at 21. I felt like I went from riding shot gun, with the music blasting, and windows rolled down in my best friends car – to being dropped off on the side of the highway, with all my belonging to sort through, wondering if I’d ever figure out where I was going or if anyone would come pick me up.

No one ever did.

& that’s why I’m at the place I am today. Who was I without one of the most important people in my life? Who was I without my friends and everything that’s been so familiar to me during my last 4 years at school? Who was I without my projects and course union positions? For the first time in my life, I had to figure myself out, on my own. I had to gather all my things and keep moving forward, no matter how many times I wanted to just give up. 2017 taught me a lot. Here’s some of the things I learned:

I learned that sometimes you have to fall on your face, in order to appreciate anything good in this life (plus, I keep telling myself it’s going to make for a great E! True Hollywood Story one day…here’s hoping that comes true). I learned that I love South Carolina and I’m convinced that in another life I owned a beach house there. I learned that it’s always better to love someone and not be loved in return, then to not love at all. I’ve learned that I enjoy watching Hallmark Christmas movies more than I’m willing to admit. I learned that having bad days are okay, and it’s okay to cry once in a while too – steps backwards only help you take leaps forward. I learned that memories suck, but they’re one of the most beautiful things this life has to offer. I’ve learned that $130 last minute Harry Styles concert tickets are always a good idea.  I’ve learned that everything has a process to it, and I need to stop trying to rush the process, whatever the process. I learned that while I still love sea turtles, elephants have taken a huge piece of my heart. I learned that I have blessings in the form of friends (Melissa, Meredith, Melissa, Kim, Bradley, Chris, Larisa, Anisah, Christina, and Samantha, I could NOT, have made it through this year without you, thank you for being my greatest support system, the very best parts of me, my angels on earth, and for helping me find me). I learned that I love dancing badly to good music. I learned that I love to laugh really loud…at everything. I learned that you’re going to miss people who hurt you, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I learned to not book trips to Victoria, BC last minute – no one can afford that. I’ve learned that I love being on my own, but would much rather spend time with the one’s who bring out the best parts of me. I’ve learned that I love miso soup. I’ve learned that I actually don’t know if it’s Christmas or my birthday that I get more excited for (and this is causing me a lot more stress than you would think). I learned that family vacations with your best friend in the world is never something anyone should turn down. I learned that it’s okay to not understand God, but to eventually come to the realization that he’s got it all figured out. I’ve learned to let go; of what isn’t mine, what I can’t control and all the things that have hurt me. 

So 2017, you sucked. You kicked me in the butt, multiple times. Forced me completely out of my comfort zone, and in the end made me realize that I have WAY more blessings than bruises.

I did a full circle. I’m okay, I’m exactly where I wanted to be.

So thank you.

as for you 2018, I can’t wait.

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