“Women have minds and souls, as well as just hearts, and they’ve got ambition, and talent as well as just beauty. And I’m sick of people saying that love is all a woman is fit for.” – Jo March, Little Women 2019
I have been very lucky to have strong women surround me my entire life. From my mom, aunts, grandmothers and friends to my teachers, bosses and co workers. I’ve learned a lot of valuable lessons over the last couple years from each of them – the one thing almost all of these women have in common is often times we find that we are our own worst enemy.
It got me thinking, if this was a commonality among the women in my life, then surely there’s so many others out there who feel the same. I started thinking of all the areas in which I’ve received great advice, and thought of all the lessons I’ve learned since then. Here are 8 things I think every women should stop doing.
1. Feeling like an imposter when you accomplish, anything.
Often times we undermine our successes and question if what we have accomplished is deserved. This is something that I want to get better at noticing and correcting in my own life. I want to start taking my successes for what they are at face value – successes. When you get that new job or promotion own it, you’re worthy of it. Celebrate.
2. Saying yes to everyone, saying no to yourself
Spending time alone, is probably one of the most important things you can do for yourself from time to time. My mom is always filling up everyone else’s cup before she fills up her own. I am the type of person who will drop ANYTHING, for someone if they need me – that’s not something that I ever intend to stop doing. I think there’s a fine line between being there for people when they need you and being there for someone, all of the time with no reciprocation. For many of us that line blurs, and my goal this year is to learn my boundaries and stay within them.
3. Comparing your Real life to someone else’s virtual life.
Social media can be a dark hole sometimes. Who am I kidding, social media is a dark hole ALL OF THE TIME. It’s a space that’s become less about connecting and more about showing off to the world. Social media is a highlight reel of your entire life, and the lives of people around you. Remember that. It’s a highlight, it’s the best moments, its curated and its perfected. You don’t have a beautiful white kitchen? Great ! Your closet isn’t colour coordinated, with every single item in it’s place? that’s fine, that’s real and that’s more than okay. Sometimes I think we all need a reminder to put the phone down, and enjoy the perfect moments that can’t be captured.
4. Body Shaming yourself
We are ALL guilty of this one. Wether it’s out loud when you talk to friends, or in your head every time you look in the mirror. Nothing good ever comes from negative thoughts, especially the ones that pertain to yourself. Love yourself, even if that means practicing saying nice things to yourself in the mirror.
5. Fearing being alone
This one is the easiest for me to write about. I’m at such a weird age, where I feel like there’s people my age who are getting engaged, some who are still in school, others who have a kid on the way and some who are focused on building an empire. Whatever stage of your 20’s you’re in, or however old you are, you should never fear spending time on your own. Being alone is something I don’t think people do enough of, learning yourself and loving yourself more because of it is empowering. There’s no timeline on life, stop looking ahead, and let your life unfold the way it needs to.
6. Holding on to Toxic Relationships
I find that most women have a tendency to want to “fix things”, when I say “fix things” I mostly mean people. Wether it’s a toxic relationship, or an unhealthy friendship – our first instinct is to put the blame on ourselves and try and find a solution that involves – well…getting more involved. Which honestly, almost never works. When you begin to understand that it’s okay to let go of people, even if it’s a friendship you’ve had your entire life, you begin to look at those around you in a new light. If a relationship doesn’t serve you, if it doesn’t bring any good, any joy to your day – let it go.
7. Spending time with people out of obligation
This one goes hand in hand with my last point. Be intentional with who you spend your time with. Just because your cousin who you don’t even like talking to that much, is coming to town – doesn’t mean you have to play tour guide for the weekend. You’re allowed to be picky. Remember, your vibe attracts your tribe.
9. Stop Apologizing
Stole this one from my girl Rachael Hollis! So many women don’t own who they are and what they want in life. Stop apologizing for being a hard-worker, for having dreams that don’t make sense to other people, go after whatever it is you want in your life and step into that version of yourself unapologetically. Someone once said to me “my greatest fear is to live my life, and die with so much untapped potential inside of me,” don’t let that be you.
Do you relate to any of these? What do you want to work on this year?